How do you react if someone over steps your boundaries or makes an inappropriate remark towards you?
Your body really is your best emotional compass and it really will give you a clear indication if it is time to take action towards a person who may have stood over your boundaries.
Most of us however, choose to ignore our bodies and can find ourselves knocked back by someone by someone's poor behavior. We swallow our anger and fear the consequences of standing up for ourselves. We suppress our feelings and often then give ourselves a hard time for not answering back or speaking up.
If someone is nasty or rude towards us, we often question ourselves or tell ourselves we are being too sensitive. We dismiss our needs and feelings and in doing so, give other people permission to treat us badly. Regardless of why we do this, it is expensive to our wellbeing to continue down this path as ultimately, it will eat away at your self-esteem and leave you feeling resentful and hurt.
Many people feel really uncomfortable in speaking up, especially when in the past, they may have been taught that keeping your mouth shut was in fact a safer option! Others fail to speak up because they fear the other person will think badly of them or they may end up hurting their feelings. We often have the desire to be liked or the ‘ disease to please’
What about YOU?
If you are too sensitive to other people's feelings, you are actually being insensitive to your own. In fact, standing up for yourself and using you voice is a great way to empower yourself and show other people how you deserve to be treated. Don’t you deserve the same respect as other people?
Try this process the next time you are faced with rude or inappropriate comments or behaviours:
1) Take a deep breath and acknowledge what happened and how your body is feeling. If you would rather walk away and let the ball go out of play then do so. You may wish to say ' I am sorry, this doesn't work for me so I am choosing to walk away from you'
2) If you decide to address the behavior ( yes, it will feel scary but I promise you, it will make you feel powerful afterwards!) then try the following statements:
' I need you to know that I am not comfortable with you speak to me like that, I would like you to stop' or ' I am not willing to talk about that with you'
3) Don't get judgmental or try to explain yourself. Short and firm statements are best. Express your feelings and state what you would like to happen.
4) If someone continues to treat you like this, it is acceptable to just walk away from the relationship.
When you begin to stand up for yourself, it is going to feel strange and uncomfortable. Sit with this uncomfortable feeling and soothe yourself with kind and encouraging words.
Do you need some more help on taking care of yourself? If so please check out my great range of self-development eBooks at www.amazingcoaching.com.au and http://www.howtoempoweryourstaff.com.au/
Lisa appears regularly in the Media, on TV, Radio and Print.