 I am often asked by employers to assist in empowering and engaging their employees by explaining the difference between empowered and assertive employees and passive and dis-empowered employees. Assertiveness is a useful technique that can be particularly useful in Leadership, customer service and project roles. It also comes in very handy for those working as Executive Assistant or Personal Assistant! For some, being assertive at work and in their personal lives, can be a scary thing. Let’s begin by looking at a few of the disadvantages to being unassertive. These include: • Always working late or taking on extra tasks • Resenting other people for asking you to do things for them • Not spending time on your own self-care as you are too busy looking after everyone else’s needs • Failing to speak up during meetings • Keeping quiet due to Fear. • Irritability and frustration as you ‘ swallow’ your feelings However, here are a few Advantages to being Assertive. • More self-confident and able to look after yourself and balance your workload • Increased empowerment and learning to put good boundaries in place. • Learning to prioritise tasks. • Courageous Conversations • Communicating your needs openly and honestly • Dealing with difficult situations calmly and firmly. • Taking control of your own career path Let’s also take a look at what being assertive IS NOT. IT IS NOT BEING PASSIVE Being passive is a very common behavior. We often learn to be passive in order protect or feelings, income or career. A passive person basically allows other people to take control. Ever apologized for something that wasn’t your fault? Yep, you’ve guessed it – that is also passive! IT IS NOT BEING AGGRESSIVE Aggressive Behavior includes hostile behavior such as yelling, violence and overt anger. Aggressive people often behave like this to disrespect others and help them feel superior. Interestingly, aggressive people often believe they have more rights than other people. So what is Assertive Behavior? Assertiveness is empowerment! It is a clear and straightforward communication method. Learning assertive techniques means learning to communicate more clearly and directly with others. It is learning that saying NO is OK. An interesting point is that when you act in an assertive way it actually builds on your self-esteem and confidence (and the self-esteem of others). 
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 How do you react if someone over steps your boundaries or makes an inappropriate remark towards you? Your body really is your best emotional compass and it really will give you a clear indication if it is time to take action towards a person who may have stood over your boundaries. Most of us however, choose to ignore our bodies and can find ourselves knocked back by someone by someone's poor behavior. We swallow our anger and fear the consequences of standing up for ourselves. We suppress our feelings and often then give ourselves a hard time for not answering back or speaking up. If someone is nasty or rude towards us, we often question ourselves or tell ourselves we are being too sensitive. We dismiss our needs and feelings and in doing so, give other people permission to treat us badly. Regardless of why we do this, it is expensive to our wellbeing to continue down this path as ultimately, it will eat away at your self-esteem and leave you feeling resentful and hurt. Many people feel really uncomfortable in speaking up, especially when in the past, they may have been taught that keeping your mouth shut was in fact a safer option! Others fail to speak up because they fear the other person will think badly of them or they may end up hurting their feelings. We often have the desire to be liked or the ‘ disease to please’ What about YOU? If you are too sensitive to other people's feelings, you are actually being insensitive to your own. In fact, standing up for yourself and using you voice is a great way to empower yourself and show other people how you deserve to be treated. Don’t you deserve the same respect as other people? Try this process the next time you are faced with rude or inappropriate comments or behaviours: 1) Take a deep breath and acknowledge what happened and how your body is feeling. If you would rather walk away and let the ball go out of play then do so. You may wish to say ' I am sorry, this doesn't work for me so I am choosing to walk away from you' 2) If you decide to address the behavior ( yes, it will feel scary but I promise you, it will make you feel powerful afterwards!) then try the following statements: ' I need you to know that I am not comfortable with you speak to me like that, I would like you to stop' or ' I am not willing to talk about that with you' 3) Don't get judgmental or try to explain yourself. Short and firm statements are best. Express your feelings and state what you would like to happen. 4) If someone continues to treat you like this, it is acceptable to just walk away from the relationship. When you begin to stand up for yourself, it is going to feel strange and uncomfortable. Sit with this uncomfortable feeling and soothe yourself with kind and encouraging words. Do you need some more help on taking care of yourself? If so please check out my great range of self-development eBooks at www.amazingcoaching.com.au and http://www.howtoempoweryourstaff.com.au/   THE BAD NEWS ...I USED to be a NICE girl. One of the disadvantages of being a nice girl is that you often allow people treat you like a bloody doormat. You also end up exhausted or resentful as you spend the majority of your time placing everyone else’s needs before your own. As a nice girl, I have also sold my soul on several occasions in order to gain love and approval and would suffer trolley loads of toxic guilt if I, heaven forbid, inadvertently upset another human being. Being nice is a very expensive habit. Some of the more designer ‘nice’ items I have purchased include:
This doesn’t include the times I have agreed to do things I didn’t really want to do, failed to honour my own feelings and emotions and generally carried on living my life with the firm conviction that everybody else’s needs and opinions were faaaaaaaaaaaaaar more important than my own. THE GOOD NEWS...The universe has decided (along with some assistance from nicotine withdrawals) that it is time for me to own my nasty (and not so nice) assertive side. This NEW ME started to manifest about Christmas time 2009 and, within a few weeks, it had really had become a tad feisty! It’s work has included:
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PANIC – What if people didn’t think I was NICE anymore? Two months on however, I am glad to say that things are looking quite different. I have become rather fond of this feisty little part and there is NO WAY I am going back to being that nice girl! I am now quite happy to balance both the bitch and the nice! Tapping into this super duper action part has allowed me to:
Do you need some more help on taking care of yourself? If so please check out my great range of self-development eBooks at www.amazingcoaching.com.au and http://www.howtoempoweryourstaff.com.au/  |
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